What Chuck REALLY Wore

The gal behind beloved YA-snark-site "What Claudia Wore" has a new site out there that I can't resist commenting on -- "What Chuck Wore." Yes, as in Bass. Chuck Bass.

This fascinates me not only because my bf thinks it would be a good idea to go as season 2 versions of Chuck and Blair for Halloween (could we outdo these season 1 folks? Not sure.) but even more because Chuck's outfits on TV have nothing on Chuck's truly absurd outfits in the Gossip Girl books. Chuck Bass vies with Vanessa Abrams and Rufus Humphrey for the title of most-altered character from the books. However, I think Chuck wins because he's barely a character in the books. Instead of being central to the plot -- bedding Blair, being a step-van der Woodsen, etc. -- Chuck is basically a ridiculous caricature tossed in every now and again for comic relief.

And how does Chuck provide comic relief? Mainly through his outfits. Unlike his pastel and/or purple bowtie'd suite ensembles from the show, in the books Chuck dresses like a SNL skit version of a German tourist. Possibly the easiest way to describe it is that he dresses like Bruno. Oh wait, with a pet monkey. Here, you make the call.

Gossip Girl #4, "Because I'm Worth It"
Dan stopped walking and turned around to see Chuck Bass flipping his signature navy blue monogrammed cashmere scarf over one shoulder and running his manicured fingers through his brown-and-blond highlighted hair. "Nice poem in The New Yorker, man." He gave Dan a congratulatory clap on the shoulder, his monogrammed pinky ring glittering in the winter sunlight. "Who knew you were such a stud?" Was there something distinctly gay about Chuck Bass these days? Or perhaps not. Just because he'd gotten blond highlights and was wearing a slim, cream-colored wool coat by Ralph Lauren and orange leather Prada sneakers didn't mean he'd given up molesting defenseless, drunken girls at parties. Perhaps he was simply expressing himself.

Gossip Girl #7, "Nobody Does It Better"
Chuck Bass sneered from two desks away. Riverside Prep's dress code was plain-colored khaki pants or cords, brown or black belt, white or pastel-colored button-down shirt, and brown or black loafers with dark-colored socks. Chuck Bass was wearing a black Prada jumpsuit, unzipped so his tanned, recently waxed chest was clearly visible, and creamy white leather Camper sandals that showed off his smooth, manicured feet. On the floor beneath his desk, Chuck's pet snow monkey, Sweetie, poked his fuzzy white head out of Chuck's orange-and-red leather Dooney & Bourke tote bag and bared his teeth.

Gossip Girl #11, "Don't You Forget About Me"
Suddenly Chuck Bass appeared from the direction of the bathroom. What was he doing here? Chuck was dressed in a white tank top that showed off his ridiculously tan and buff summer body, and a pair of aqua-and-pink flowered Hawaiian shorts. A rainbow-colored lei hung around his neck, the petals bright against his dark skin. His ever-present white snow monkey, Sweetie, was perched on his shoulder, pulling at strands of Chuck's over-producted hair. Sweetie was dressed in a tiny black T-shirt with the words SILENCE=DEATH printed in white lettering. The monkey screeched loudly, waving its furry white arms in the air.
P.S. This is how Chuck is dressed to attend Dan's coming out party -- I told you the books were different from the show!

Long story short, Chuck may be everybody's favorite character from the Gossip Girl show (come on, Nate's barely in it and Dan's gone from being a watered-down Seth Cohen to just being a total douche), but he's nobody's favorite from the Gossip Girl books. Except for maybe Claudia Kishi.